


A Measure of Darkness

by Donna_Immaculata



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-28
Updated: 2011-12-28
Packaged: 2017-10-28 08:47:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/306073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Donna_Immaculata/pseuds/Donna_Immaculata
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Peter watches Remus and Sirius. Set in 1981.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Measure of Darkness

I.

Peter stepped out of the pub, blinking slowly in the light of the bright winter's day. He started walking down the street to a secluded spot from which he would be able to Disapparate without being seen by Muggles. The Snake and Bone was protected by anti-Apparition wards, and he did not want to use the Floo to leave the place. The less people knew where he was heading to the better.

Casting quick, nervous glances over his shoulder, he quickened his pace and stepped around the corner into a dim, narrow alley. In the next moment, a stray cat leapt up in alarm on hearing the loud crack as Peter Disaparrated.

He Apparated in the back of an old abandoned house, a few streets away from Godric's Hollow. He preferred to walk the short distance to his friends' house instead of Apparating directly in Lily and James's garden - he needed the time to calm his agitated nerves. Walking, he did not realise that his right hand had come up of its own accord and was now pressed firmly against his stomach.

He did not really do anything wrong, Peter told himself. He was only meeting old school mates to chat about this and that. Unimportant stuff, really: James and Lily's wedding, James' conviction that Harry's attempts at 'ah-gooh' sounds were in fact first words, if only one listened closely enough, Remus' problems to find a permanent job. Everyone knew Sirius had started Auror training after school; it wasn't as though he was telling a secret. And Avery could find this out even without Peter's help, so it was better Peter told him himself. To know exactly which information they acquired.

Peter stopped in front of the Potters' front door and smoothed down his hair nervously. It was getting thinner, he realised. How often had he enviously admired Sirius' thick, glossy hair that fell in his face with such unstudied grace. But then again - Sirius was a favourite of the Gods: handsome, smart, and popular. He, Peter, should be glad that he was admitted to Sirius' circle of friends at all.

Peter felt a hot burning rising up in him at this thought. His hand, poised to ring the bell, stopped dead and swung down to rest limply at his side. He hung his head and bit on his lower lip, pondering.

At this moment, however, the door swung open and Peter found himself looking up in a pair of hazel eyes and the smiling face of James Potter, the living proof that fortune indeed favours the bold.

"I thought I saw you approaching, Wormtail", James said, squeezing Peter's hand in a tight grip. "Come in, it's freezing out there. Sirius and Remus arrived a few minutes ago. They're entertaining Harry seeing as Lily is busying herself with all these last-minute things women always do. You know, like charming her hair to match her dress robes and re-arranging the menu."

James was chatting away happily while leading Peter through the hall to the living room, where the others were already gathered. Peter nodded hello to a few familiar faces, all shining with laughter and punch, and then his gaze fell on the group assembled around the Christmas tree.

Sirius and Remus were standing under the mistletoe, their shoulders brushing and faces alight with joy as they both leaned over the small bundle Sirius was carefully cradling to his chest. Remus lifted his head, brushing his light brown hair from his forehead, and caught Peter's eye. He smiled warmly and nudged Sirius, who raised his head. However, his eyes did not meet Peter's; instead, he looked straight over Peter's left shoulder and grinned broadly.

"Ah, the belle of the ball!" he exclaimed, white teeth flashing. "Look, Harry, here comes your Mum! And... wow! It was worth the wait", he continued, walking towards Lily and holding Harry in his outstretched hands so that the boy was facing his mother. "Lily, you look more beautiful than ever, and that's saying something! He must be treating you well", he indicated with a slight nod in James's direction.

Lily's playful answer matched Sirius's tone as she leaned into his embrace, kissing him on the cheek and taking Harry from him. James appeared at his wife's and friend's side with a bottle of champagne and a tray laden with glasses. Peter felt himself being pushed away by the crowd who all gathered around the young couple and were being handed their drinks. The room was filled with laughter and chatter, and Peter was suddenly hit by the familiar burning pain in his stomach. He retreated further, trying to massage the pain away.

"They are quite a sight to behold", said a quiet voice next to his ear. Peter turned around.

Remus was standing at his side, looking as calm and composed as ever. As though he had not just been abandoned by Sirius, who had manoeuvred himself into the centre of attention, together with the happy family, thought Peter. Then again - being Harry's godfather made Sirius part of the family, too. More so than Peter and Remus could ever hope to become.

Peter cast a quick glance at Remus' face and saw that his friend was smiling pleasantly, raising his glass to toast the hosts. His eyes, however, were not smiling. Their expression was carefully blank and his gaze was directed straight at Sirius.

"To James and Lily!" Peter heard Sirius's voice carrying over the noise in the room. "And to my godson Harry! May the year 1981 bring them all the blessings they deserve!"

II.

It was a hot day in August when Peter saw Remus again. His job at the Ministry had kept him very busy, and Remus had been out of the country for a few months. Peter had tried not to get in touch with his old friends too often these days, pretending that the bonds of their friendship were gradually dissolving. No, not really pretending, he thought. In spite of all promises of eternal friendship made after they had finished school, their lives had been increasingly drifting apart. His own life had certainly taken the most unexpected turn, and now, he could no longer pretend, even to himself, that his loyalties still lay with Dumbledore and the Order.

He did not really look forward to seeing Remus again, but his friend had left some personal belongings in Peter's charge before he left the country for the Continent. Now, since Remus was back in London and had managed to get a job which paid the rent for a flat, he had asked Peter to return them to him.

Peter had chosen Sunday for his visit not only because he had the day off, but also because it had been full moon the previous night, and Remus would probably not be inclined to invite him to stay for a longer chat.

He reached the door slightly breathless (Remus lived on the fifth floor) and tapped his wand against the wood speaking the password Remus had sent him with his letter. The door swung open, and Peter entered the small, dim hall, cram-full with half-empty boxes and littered with books and parchment. After a brief look around, he placed the bag he had brought on top of a box that looked more stable than the rest.

Peter proceeded into the room, which, from the look of it, served the triple purpose of living room, bedroom, and study, and which answered the question why the hall looked so much lived-in: the room was close to bursting with what looked like scientific instruments, half the Hogwarts' library and, taking up least space, Remus' wardrobe. There was also a huge cage covered with thick grey cloth, and whatever creature was living there, it made very loud, screechy, wailing sounds that made Peter jump on first hearing them. Obviously, Remus had to use his entrance hall if he wanted to read in quiet.

Remus was not in, but there was the sound of running water coming from what Peter supposed must be the bathroom. He stepped over a large box, from which protruded long, spidery tools, entangling and disentangling themselves over and over again, and knocked on the bathroom door.

"Come in", Remus' low, hoarse voice carried audibly over the sound of the water. Peter pushed the door handle and stepped in.

Remus stood under the shower, hidden behind the curtain. Peter opened his mouth to speak, but in this moment, Remus stuck his head out and smiled amiably. His hair was dripping and water drops were clinging to his lashes. Peter caught a glimpse of one shoulder that looked more deeply tanned and more strongly freckled than he remembered. Remus' hand holding the curtain apart was badly bitten and the deep wound was bleeding profusely.

"Hello Peter", Remus said, still smiling. His face looked pale even in the damp heat of the bathroom and Peter could distinctly see the dark shadows under his friend's eyes. "You're early. Sorry to keep you waiting, but I woke up late, you see."

"Did you hurt yourself?" Peter asked before he could stop himself, his eyes straying to Remus' hand.

"I have, as a matter of fact", replied Remus quietly. "If you find your way through the kitchen, you could make us some tea. I'll be with you in five minutes."

The kitchen came as a surprise. The room was bigger than Peter had expected and there was actually enough space on the table to put down the tea pot and two cups. He found a bottle of milk and helped himself to a cup of tea. Standing at the window, he held the cup in both hands and felt the hot liquid soothe the acidic sensation in his stomach.

The sound of the door bell made him jump. Cursing under his breath, he hurried to the door, wiping off the tea he had spilt over his hands. The ringing became more persistent and Peter reached the door with his heart beating madly all the way up to his throat. He raised his wand, prepared for an attack, and jerked up on the sound of a familiar voice behind the door.

"Remus, for heaven's sake, open the friggin' door! I'm bleeding rather severely here!"

"Sirius!" squeaked Peter, excited. "Just a second!"

He threw the door open and grinned broadly at Sirius, who was leaning against the wall pressing a blood-stained hand against his ribs.

Sirius gave him an impatient look and pushed off the wall. He strode past Peter, gracefully avoiding stepping on any of the books and boxes on the floor. "Is Remus in?" he asked curtly, barely turning his head to Peter, who followed him at his heels, stumbling over a large volume that was crawling across the floor in slow circles.

"He's in the shower", Peter said, and feeling that it was not enough, added quickly: "He transformed last night, you see, and..."

"Yes, I know. I know my lunar calendar, too", Sirius' voice sounded, if anything, even more impatient. He stopped in front of the bathroom door and knocked firmly.

"Remus! Come out! I need your help!" he bellowed. Peter noticed that Sirius' side was completely drenched in blood, which was dripping to the floor in thick drops.

The door opened and Remus' head appeared. He held a towel in one hand, rubbing his hair dry, and one stray water drop was running down his cheekbone. His gaze wandered down Sirius' body and he took in the situation at once.

"Sirius. What happened?" Remus opened the door fully and Peter saw that he was wearing only a towel around his hips. He seemed to have had lost weight over the past months and his ribs and collarbone were jutting out more prominently than ever.

"Don't worry, Moony, I wasn't attacked", Sirius said with a wry smile. "Or rather, I wasn't attacked by an enemy." He pushed pass Remus and leaned over the sink, unbuttoning his robe and lifting up his shirt. Peter gasped. Sirius' right side was covered in dark blood, and more was still escaping the deep wound right under his ribs. "It just won't stop bleeding!" he muttered in an annoyed voice.

Peter was struck by the realisation that Sirius's face was completely white and was surprised he had not noticed it before.

"Won't stop bleeding?" Remus repeated. He had followed Sirius inside the bathroom and was now holding the other's shirt up, pressing the towel he had used to dry his hair against Sirius' side. "Hold it there", he commanded and turned to open the cupboard on his left-hand side.

"Do you know what curse it was?" Remus asked curtly. Always to the purpose, thought Peter in a mixture of admiration and annoyance. Never loses his head, Moony.

To his surprise, Sirius looked slightly embarrassed. "Yeah, er... I know..." he said slowly. "It was the... Sanguinis Profluvium curse. I just didn't block it quickly enough, and it hit me."

"Who hit you, Sirius?" Remus had come over and took the drenched towel from Sirius. He placed his hand on his friend's side and turned him around so that they were facing each other. Sirius swayed on his feet.

"You better sit down. You lost too much blood", Remus suggested. Sirius let himself drop heavily on the toilet seat. "And take your shirt off!"

Peter watched Sirius unbuttoning his shirt with trembling hands while Remus was preparing some potion in a small cauldron he had perched on top of the sink. Although Remus had never been a great potion brewer, Peter knew that he was more apt than any of his friends at preparing healing potions within minutes. He now drenched a clean bandage in the thick, greenish liquid, wrapped it around his own bitten hand first and then knelt before Sirius, who leaned limply against the wall, shirtless and pale.

"Well? Who was it?" Remus was cleaning the wound with quick, deft strokes. Sirius slowly opened his eyes and forced them to focus on his friend.

"Kingsley", he whispered.

"What, Shacklebolt?" Remus sounded surprised. "I knew you didn't like each other since the business with... whatshername... the blonde with the breasts, but I didn't expect him to actually jinx you. And with a Sanguinis Profluvium, at that!"

Sirius grinned weakly. "Oh, it wasn't anything personal... OUCH! Careful there... He... he was at a training session. Apparently, he considers becoming an Auror, and came around for a demonstration session. And damn, he's quick!"

"What, you're telling me this happened during a training session? And there were no medi-wizards to take care of your injuries?"

"Er... there were, as a matter of fact", Sirius admitted hesitantly. "But, you see, I couldn't go see them if I didn't want to admit I was cursed by a… school boy. By that school boy, at that."

"Are you telling me that you'd rather bleed to death before you admit that you might be not quite as perfect-", Remus began but was cut short by Sirius.

"Moony, I know you don't understand this. But, look..." he made a helpless gesture, "I like my reputation the way it is, and I certainly don't want Shacklebolt - of all people - to be known for having hexed me. And it's got nothing to do with Viola DeVerre - the blonde with the breasts for you!" he finished vehemently.

"Sirius, of all the stupid, brainless, moronic things you've ever done, this one easily qualifies for the top five!" An uncharacteristic annoyance echoed in Remus' voice and Peter ducked into the shadow in the hope to sneak away unseen. Unfortunately, the huge volume had managed to crawl its way all across the hall and had ended up just behind his foot, causing him to trip and curse very audibly. Sirius raised his head and Remus turned half-round.

Grinning apologetically, Peter concentrated on meeting Sirius' eyes rather than Remus'. Sirius' gaze was slightly unfocused due to the pain, and Peter never liked being confronted with the golden glimmer that appeared in Remus' eyes whenever he was upset. It reminded him too much of the wolf.

"Didn't you want to make tea, Peter?" Remus asked politely and Peter knew he was dismissed. He nodded mutely.

Leaving for the kitchen, he cast a last brief glance at his friends, who leaned closely together, long-limbed and graceful. Remus' hand was resting just above Sirius' hip, and Sirius had put one hand on Remus' shoulder, whether as a calming gesture or to steady himself - Peter did not know.

The tea had got cold, and Peter started preparing a new pot. He took his time and tried simultaneously to listen and not to listen to the quiet conversation that was taking place in the bathroom. He knew that Remus' influence on his friend had increased over the recent years - ever since the 'Snape incident'. No-one had let Peter in on the secret completely, but he had gathered enough to understand that Sirius had gone too far. Remus had never said a word, at least not when Peter was around, but it was clear that he had gained much in authority.

He gave them fifteen minutes to settle the matter and quietly returned to the bathroom door with a tray in his hands. They did not notice him. Sirius had slumped forward, leaning his forehead heavily on Remus' shoulder. His left hand lay loosely around Remus' neck, his fingers partly hidden in Remus' still-damp hair. Remus' hand rested on Sirius's upper arm. His thumb was drawing small circles on the pale skin, and Remus was muttering what sounded like comforting words close to Sirius's ear. Peter froze on the spot.

He had just recovered enough to realise that he was witnessing something very private and had taken a careful step back, when Sirius's voice reached his ears, slightly muffled.

"It's getting worse, Remus. I know it is. We're not going to make it, we're too weak. He's killing us off like... like -" his voice broke, and Peter's stomach turned around. He stumbled back to the kitchen and emptied his stomach into the sink in one huge gush.

When the trembling and heaving had subsided, he pulled out his wand and restored the tray, the pot and the cups and prepared more tea, forcing his mind into blankness. He did not want to think and instead tonelessly hummed old songs his German grandmother used to sing to him when he was a child. 'Ein Freund, ein guter Freund, das ist das Schönste was es gibt auf der Welt! Ein Freund, ein guter Freund...' He chuckled darkly until his chuckles turned into small sobs.

III.

He entered Remus' living room just in time to see Remus put Sirius to bed. The fact that Sirius was arguing only very weakly was the best proof of how seriously he must had been injured. Peter caught a brief glimpse of Sirius' heavily bandaged torso, before Sirius disappeared almost completely under Remus' bedcovers so that only his pale face remained visible. Remus looked ready for bed himself, wearing only a pair of pyjama trousers.

"I'm sorry, Peter, but I'm afraid I'm not quite up to having tea right now", he said in a strained voice. Peter noticed that he was almost as pale as Sirius and was casting longing glances towards the bed. "We will have to postpone it. Now that I'm back in England, I'm sure we'll find time for a meeting outside the Order, for old times' sake." Remus made an effort to smile, but Peter could tell that his heart was not in it. He followed Remus' gaze and realised that Sirius was watching them from half-hooded eyes. Peter's eyes widened in shock and suddenly, he only wanted to get out of there. 'Out out out', his heart was beating madly as he was making towards the door, with many stammered apologies and goodbyes.

He breathed in deeply. The fresh air felt so good to his lungs after the oppressive dusty atmosphere of Remus' flat. He took a few more calming breaths and started walking north. To the Snake and Bone.


End file.
